Shake that 'Thang!
by Verbena
Summary: Scully realizes that she's in love with Jon Stewart from The Daily Show. The most pointless story in the history of pointless stories.


Title: Shake that 'Thang!  
Author: Verbena, the pookie-lass!  
Spoilers: None.  
Disclaimer: The X-files belongs to Chris Carter, Fox, and 1013. The Daily Show belongs to Comedy Central. Jon, Vance, and Mo are all real people, hehehe.  
Rating: PG 

--- 

[Scully runs into Mulder's apartment.] 

SCULLY: I'm sorry, Mulder. But I've decided to quit the FBI and marry Jon Stewart because he's hot. 

MULDER: Hotter then me? 

SCULLY: Yes, hotter then you. Wait, no he's not. But I'm in love with him!! So goodbye! 

MULDER: Wait! One last kiss! 

SCULLY: No! 

MULDER: Yes! 

SCULLY: No! 

MULDER: Yes! 

SCULLY: No! 

MULDER: Yes! 

SCULLY: No! 

MULDER: Yes! 

SCULLY: Diet Dr. Pepper now tastes more like regular. 

MULDER: *grabs SCULLY and kisses her deeply* 

SCULLY: Ew, Muldy, your dentures came out in my mouth! 

MULDER: I wear dentures? 

SCULLY: No! *runs away* 

MULDER: *sigh* Goodbye, my love... *long pause* Wonder what's on HBO tonight. 

--- 

[The Daily Show Headquarters in New York. Scully runs in while they're taping a show. Members of the audience start throwing tomatoes, spam, panties, fingernail clippings, and other various items at her.] 

Jon Stewart: *looks at Scully, confused* Do we... have a surprise guest or something? *rubs his nipples* Ahhhh... *audience bursts into laughter* 

Scully: Hello, my love! *jumps onto Jon Stewart's desk and kicks over his cup of coffee and rips up his papers* 

Jon Stewart: Hey, hey! I spent a lot of time drawing stick figures on those papers! Meanie! 

Scully: Ovaltine! 

Jon Stewart: Me too! 

Scully: Okay! Marry me! 

Jon Stewart: But I'm already married! 

Scully: Marry me! 

Jon Stewart: Okay! 

Scully: Kid tested, mother approved! 

Jon Stewart: No, it's goose! 

Scully: Okay! 

[Jon Stewart and Scully kiss. Audience goes "ooooo".] 

Scully: Ew, your dentures came out in my mouth! 

Jon Stewart: I wear dentures? 

Scully: No! 

Jon Stewart: Okay! 

[Scully jumps back on table and does a happy dance. Vance Degeneres comes out and joins her.] 

Vance Degeneres: (deadpan) Oh yeah. Shake that 'thang. Yeah. Yeah. 

[Skinner runs onto the set wearing a pink frilly tutu and holding a fancy smancy umbrella. He twirls it around and starts shaking his booty.] 

Skinner: I decided to sneak onto the set of the most important television show EVER so I can announce to the world (or atleast those of you who are tuning in) that I have no hair! Weee! 

Scully: I'm going to change my name from Dana Katherine Scully to Martha Van Juju-bean! 

Jon Stewart: I want to change my name to Martha Van Juju-bean also! But Jesus said that I was the holy child! 

[Mo Rocca runs onto the set and does a little dance.] 

Mo Rocca: *talking with that adorable lisp of his* My plans are foiled! 

Scully: Oh wow, you're cute! *kisses Mo Rocca* Ewww, your dentures came out in my mouth! 

Mo Rocca: I wear dentures? 

Scully: No! *does the macarena* 

Mo Rocca: *twirls around and does a hillbilly dance* 

Vance Degeneres: Oh yeah. Move yo boday. Yeah. Rock that boday right. 

[Mulder runs onto the screen, does a little dance, then takes Scully into his arms.] 

Mulder: She's mine! You guys are evil! Evil, I say! Precious Scully is miiiiine! Mine, I say! 

Scully: Bill Gates wears panties! 

Mulder: Me too! 

Scully: Really? Lemmee see! *takes a look at Mulder's pink frilly panties* Wow, I want a pair like that! 

Mulder: Sorry, Oprah gave 'em to me. They're one of a kind. 

Jon Stewart: Hey! Stay away from muh Scullay, foo! Scullay, who is this man? 

Scully: He's my bitch! *kisses Mulder* Ew, you're dentures came out in my mouth! 

Mulder: We've been over this before. I don't wear dentures! 

Scully: Pookie! *does happy dance* 

[A.D. Kersh suddenly streaks across the screen buck naked shouting, "I LIKE POOOOOOPIE!!!!!!!!"] 

Scully: See the softer side of Sears! 

Mulder: Okay! 

[Mulder and Scully skip away happily to Sears. Everyone else just keeps on shaking their 'thangs. And Skinner gets a sex change.] 

Skinner: Man, I feel like a woman! 

--FIN!--


End file.
